PT Barnum Was Right

There really is one born every minute.

Over at FraudFiles Blog, forensic accountant Tracy Coenan's hobby of exposing the fundamental problems with MLM schemes always makes for interesting reading.

Almost as interesting, but far more tragic (in a humorous way) are the comments left by MLM shills that attempt to argue with her logic. Inevitably, they demonstrate a complete inability to think clearly, never mind articulate a coherent point of view. Witness the following debate points left by various MLM clowns from Amway/Quixtar, United First Financial, Primerica, MovaVie, et al. who've visted her site:

covered247 Says: 03 Nov 08 at 2:05 pm

by the way, I bank with Wachovia and they offer me $25 for every customer that I refer (recruit) to open an account with them…….hmmmmmmmmm guess the banks are Pyramid schems also. I’ve also noticed that the only one that makes all the money at my JOB is the CEO at my company, while the pions do all the hard work

Sean Says: 23 May 08 at 7:35 pm
Just one quick question, I’ve studied alot of fortune 500 companies, MLM’s, and so for. Every one of them is set up the same exact way. The guy at the top makes the most money.

Mone't Says: 21 Oct 08 at 3:38 pm

HEY SOMEONE HAS TO SERVE ME MY FRY’S RIGHT? LOL
BTW YOUR TELLING ME YOU DONT FORK MONEY OVER AT WORK? TAXES!! LOL OVER 400 A MONTH FOR MOST. ? LOL YOU OWN A BUSINESS RIGHT OW MUCH DID IT COST YOU? HOW MUCH ARE YOU “SHELLING OUT ” THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

Really, you could spend all day cataloguing boneheaded comments like that. Ms. Coenan has far more patience than I do, to actually respond politely to all the idiot comments left on her site.

It's amazing how many sockpuppets rely on ad hominems and syllogisms, yet can't spell them.

I've got a question: if all these schemes are such gateways to riches, where are all the MLM millionaires? Not the criminals who started the ball rolling, where are the people who built their fortune in one of these "business opportunities?"

That's easy, they don't exist.

As I commented on her site, I had a family member who was a lifelong rainbow chaser in MLM schemes. At family gatherings they fronted all the time about how great they were doing, and endlessly attempted to recruit.

When they passed away, I had to sort through their personal documents, much of which needed to be shredded as they were just old statements that weren’t relevant to the estate.

The only thing sadder than the staggering collection of “Overdue Account - Final Notice” credit card letters was the collection of years of monthly downline statements. On a good month they were pulling in $50-150 from whichever scheme they were mixed up in at the time, and spending 2-3x that or more on the mandatory product purchases.

That's a pretty sad testament of your life to leave behind, if you ask me.

Sphere: Related Content

Having fun at the expense of MLM promoters

When it comes to MLM's, mostly I ignore them. There's plenty of other sites that debunk them, and this blog is generally more focused on poking fun at corporate foolishness rather than outright fraud.

That said, a comment by some anonymous idiot in response to one of Tracy Coenan's anti-MLM posts on her FraudFiles blog was so compelling in it's idiocy that I felt it was worth bringing attention to.

Is Shop to Earn a scam or a legitimate business?(NOT edited for spelling, grammar, coherence or stupidity)

"Anonymous Idiot": if you got burned doing a MLM than that is your problem . i am sorry for you. but i believe that in order to be successful you have TO DO IT> walt disney was rejected over and over and over again about his dream of mickey mouse and then one “sucker” as you all would say took a “chance” same thing with the author of the harriet potter series. rejected over and over again. i know that MLM is not for everyone and i respect that some people just dont get them. I am right now unsubscribing to this blog because i no LONGER care waht you think.

I always get a kick out of MLM idiots who bring up the names of people like Walt Disney, Thomas Edison, or JK Rowling, and how much rejection and doubt they had to face before they made it big.

It's a sad effort to share reflected glory, but it falls short, because there's a difference:

What do MLM'ers create? Nothing.

What do MLM'ers own? Nothing.

What value do MLM'ers really offer customers? None.

Where's the MLM'ers better mouse trap? They don't have one.

At the bottom line, they're all just membership schemes where one schlub gives money to another schlub and tries to get some other schlub to give him money as well. It's a house of cards. Those of us who do things and create things and own things can see that, plain as day. If someone can't he really should keep his day job, at least he doesn't have to pay them to come to work every day.

Sphere: Related Content

Network Marketing Is For Suckers And Schlubs

If you like scandal, be sure to check out forensic accountant Tracy Coenan's ascerbic blog posts about network marketing firm Usana.

FRAUDfiles blog: Usana’s definition of “misinformation”

Misinformation they say? Might I remind everyone that Usana’s own documents and/or own executives admit to the following:
72.2% of all distributor commissions are paid to the top 2.6% of commission receiving distributors, meaning everyone else gets next to nothing.
66% of Usana associates receive no commissions at all
87% of Usana distributors don’t even earn enough commissions to pay for their required minimum monthly purchases
The average commissions paid to Usana distributors decreased from 2005 to 2006

It's never pretty when the merry-go-round breaks down.

I have an especial contempt for network marketing. Regardless, when relentless fraud buster (and convicted felon, as he would insist that I remind you) Sam E Antar asked me if I wanted to be part of the blogosphere dogpile on Usana's sinking ship, I declined.

Why? Exactly because of my especial contempt for network marketing. With so many windmills to tilt at in this world, I have other priorities. Looking for sleaze and fraud at a network marketing company is like looking for hay in a haystack. Besides, as I told Mr Antar, my windmill of choice is corporate incompetance rather than corruption.

I will go on the record as saying that I have been propositioned, "recruited" and pigeonholed by network marketing schlubs on so many occassions that I eventually developed a system for getting rid of them. I call it "being rude and mocking them."

By and large my regular readers are well-educated, accomplished professionals, and have an effective bullshit filter, which is why they remain my regular readers. For any of the rabble who Googled their way here to get on an MLM soapbox, and who I know are going to try and spam my comments section with testimonials and passive-aggressive threats, let's get a few things straight:

You don't "own your own business" and you aren't "your own boss."

Your "business plan" creates no value for anyone except the people at the top.

Many MLM'ers bounce from one company to the next, chasing the rainbow, looking for the scheme that will make them rich. I've witnessed this firsthand amongst one or two desperately deluded family members. Wake up.

In the case of "financial freedom" schemes, here's a hint: real stockbrokers and real financial planners at real firms are too busy brokering stocks and managing portfolios to troll shopping malls and social functions in order to recruit new stockbrokers and financial planners. If you were recruited straight out of selling shoes at Footlocker to be a "financial planner" you might want to second guess your career arc.

If, after reading this, anybody still feels obligated to post a comment calling me a "dream stealer" or whatnot, fine. Just don't be surprised when I exercise my mandate to muzzle and ignore you. You know, like almost everybody in your personal life has done by now because of your unhealthy obsession with your "business."

Sphere: Related Content