Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Wal-mart Hiring Intelligence Agents, Ninjas, and Jackbooted Thugs

Not content with a crack security team of overweight semi-retired ex-Commissionaires, Wal-mart, flush with success in banking, medicentres, and quasi success with health food, is getting into the counter-espionage business.

Globe and Mail: Wal-Mart recruiting former intelligence officials

BENTONVILLE, ARK. -- Wal-Mart Stores Inc. has been recruiting former military and government intelligence officers for a branch of its global security office aimed at identifying threats to the world's largest retailer, including from "suspect individuals and groups."
Wal-Mart's interest in intelligence operatives comes at a time when the retailer is defending itself against allegations by a fired security employee that it ran surveillance operations against targets including critics, dissident shareholders, employees and suppliers. Wal-Mart has denied any wrongdoing.
Wal-Mart posted ads in March on its own website and sites for security professionals, including the bulletin of the Association of Former Intelligence Officers, for "global threat analysts" with a background in government or military intelligence work.

You know those straight-to-DVD sci-fi movies that feature a Capitalist Dystopia where corporations rule the world (and sometimes whole solar systems) and have private armies of faceless thugs in mirrored visors who enforce the will of the Board of Directors? Usually these movies star Rutger Hauer as a bitter police detective and/or Mila Jovovitch, as some sort of slinky, leather-clad assassin.

I love those kind of movies.

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Flatland Pastor said...

If it looks like an "Evil Empire", and it walks likes an "Evil Empire", and it talks like an "Evil Empire" then it probably is an obviously misunderstood multinational (only slightly sociopathic) corporation. ("Evil Empire")

Jason said...

I have no problem if it's hired faceless thugs in full-body fetishtrooper suits ruthlessly enforcing the will of the board of directors. It's the ones enforcing the will of management to screw over the shareholders and their representatives on the board I'm suspicious of.

Charles Farley said...


I am for which every company drafts Jonathan E!

I hear he is unhappy playing for Energy in Houston.

-Charles U. Farley