BREAKING: Coffee Is The Best Drink Ever

Longtime readers of Lee Distad's Professional Opinion I love coffee. I really love coffee. I drink Herculean quantities of it. And when I'm not drinking it, I'm reading about it.

Sometimes, I even pull out all the stops and drink it while reading about it.

If you love coffee, I reccomend that you read Joe Wiesenthal's essay over at The Stimulist.

The Stimulist: In Praise Of Black Iced Coffee

Great minds clearly think alike. For years now my morning routine has begun upon waking with a glass of ice cold black coffee from a pitcher I keep in the fridge for this express purpose.

Kickstart My Heart, as Mötley Crüe would say.

*Don't forget to check out CoffeeGeek for all your coffee-related news!

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Lots Of Schadenfreude Over Starbucks

All sorts of people are rubbing their hands together and cackling with glee over Starbucks' crummy quarter.

Yahoo!: Starbucks fourth quarter profit drops 97 per cent on closure costs

Fewer U.S. customers and venti-sized costs for closing poorly performing stores led to lower sales and profit in the fourth quarter at Starbucks Corp., the company said Monday.
Seattle-based Starbucks said profit fell 97 per cent to US$5.4 million, or a penny a share, from $158.5 million, or 21 cents per share, a year earlier. The coffee retailer earned 10 cents per share when the costs from closing about 600 stores in the U.S. and 61 locations in Australia are excluded.

SBUX ranks up there with Wal-mart and Haliburton in contention for the title of "Corporation People Most Love To Hate." They may be large (and personally, I think their coffee tastes like dirt), but that doesn't mean they're unstoppable. Threat Of Subsititution is always a danger to big brands, and coffee is one market with plenty of competition.

As it happens, I just got this email from a friend who is a keen coffee watcher like myself:

Last summer I visited a single location independent coffee shop and got in to a conversation with the owner. 2 blocks away from a Starbucks. All it took for him to make a go of it were 2 things, entry level good cup ofcoffee for 60% of the price at Starbucks and the secret weapon.... Freewifi. I guess sometimes a brand, no matter how powerful it might be perceived to be, can have a critical weak point.

If you're a clever business owner, there's always a way to differentiate yourself and prosper, even in the face of giant competition.

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Amateur Hour: Brit teen hostpitalized for coffee overdose

Daily Mail: Overdose drama of girl who had 14 cups of espresso
A teenage waitress overdosed on caffeine after drinking 14 shots of espresso.
Jasmine Willis, 17, could hardly breathe and was taken to hospital with a high temperature and heart palpitations.
She had drunk almost three times the recommended daily amount of caffeine in just four hours.

Firstly, 14 shots of espresso is the equivalent of about 7 cups of coffee.

Secondly, pfft. From the perspective of myself, or my good friend Doug (who has been called "the Hunter S. Thompson of coffee") she's a total lightweight.

Thirdly, I am alarmed by the whiny, hand wringing commentary left by Mail readers at the bottom of the article. This nervous nelly attitude is why the Brits lost their empire. These are a people who saved the world from the Axis powers, and now they whine and cluck because some girl drank too much coffee. Nanny State, indeed!

Get over yourselves, people!

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Off Topic: My latest pitch

Since superhero movies are hot right now, I'm envisioning an action film featuring a new hero: Platypus Man!

Platypus Man, Platypus Man,
Does whatever a platypus can.
Is he strong? Listen geek,
He's got a radioactive beak.
He can swim without rest,
Lays his eggs in a nest.
Look out!
There Goes a Platypus Man.

I asked my good friend, comic artist Doug Mahnke if he would be interested in illustrating the graphic novel tie-in to the movie. He said that he would have to get back to me. I think that means he liked it!

Yes, I've had a lot of coffee this morning.

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