Tuesday, May 08, 2007

The Mandatory Blog Post About Paris Hilton


What does this have to do with business? How about the lesson that if you are audacious enough, absolutely convinced that you are awesome, and completely and totally don't give a shit what anybody thinks, you can rise to the top?

Now that I've got the sarcasm over with, the frenzy amongst media and blogosphere alike is embarrassing to watch. What are we to make of headlines like this:

Yahoo!: News of Paris Hilton's jail sentence greeted with almost universal glee

Both star-watchers agree that the 26-year-old Hilton, in fact, might be one of the most despised celebrities ever. Lui argues that Hilton may have eclipsed even O.J. Simpson in the hatred sweepstakes.
"When O.J. was driving down that highway in the white Bronco, there were still people with signs up saying: 'Go Juice! We're behind you! We love you!' There were also lots of people who cheered his acquittal. But Paris is detested universally, by everyone, everywhere. It's quite democratic, actually. Everyone can agree on Paris Hilton."

This is clearly untrue, as evidenced by this online petition I just recieved in my email from a soon-to-be-ex-friend who just earned a prime spot on my blocked sender list:

To: The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives. Hilton is notable for her leading roles on the FOX reality series The Simple Life and in the remake of the Vincent Price horror classic "House of Wax". In addition to her work as an actress, she has achieved some recognition as a model, celebrity spokesperson, singer, and writer. As most of America now knows, Ms. Hilton was just charged in a Los Angeles court with DUI and sentenced to 45 days in Century Regional Detention Facility in California beginning on or before June 5, 2007. We, the American public who support Paris, are shocked, dismayed and appalled by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that Drunk Driving is wrong. We do not support drunk driving or DUI charges. Paris should have been sober. But she shouldn't go to jail, either. As depicted on Friday night's episode "Nancy Grace" on Headline News (May 4, 2007), countless celebrities have been "slapped on the wrist" for similar incidents recently. Nick Nolte, Mel Gibson, Tracy Morgan, Wynonna Judd, to name a few, were arrested and never did a day in jail after their initial arrests for drunk driving /DUI /DWI charges. Rappers Busta Rhymes and Eve still walk free after both being arrested for the same charges as Ms. Hilton just this past week. Brandy's California Highway accident, although no proof of DUI was evidenced in her accident, resulting in the death of a young wife and mother in California, yet Brandy walks free as of today, never doing any time and A WOMAN HAS BEEN KILLED most likely due to her reckless driving! Yet, Paris Hilton did not hurt, injure, or kill anyone or anything, and yet she must do jail time. This petition is to ask Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon Paris Hilton for her mistake. Please allow her to her return to her career and life. Everyone makes mistakes. She didn't hurt or kill anyone, and she has learned her lesson. She is sincere, apologetic, and full of regret for her actions as she explained tearfully to the Judge handling her case in court yesterday.She is distraught and understandably afraid. WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT to save our Paris from ending up at the Century Regional Detention Facility! Please sign to tell The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger of the State of California, to think about the welfare of this young woman who has made a mortal error and deserves a second chance like so many others in our great nation have been served with after a mistake they have made . If the late Former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late Former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well, and we hope and expect The Governor will understand and grant this unusual but important request in good faith to Ms. Paris Whitney Hilton

You'll see me in dirty camo fatigues and a hemp necklace rioting in the streets at the next G8 Summit before you see me beseech Ah-nold to spare poor little Paris. Oh, by the way, she's not going to do time for DUI, she's going to do time for breaching her conditions. There's a difference.

The dichotomy of the public's love/hate relationship with the Cult of Celebrity continues to baffle me. I am ashamed of how much celebrity gossip I actually know. I don't watch tv, so I blame daily trips to the supermarket, but this is indicative of how pervasively we are spoonfed other people's lives, and are expected to care about them.

I need to gargle. That's enough for this blog.

Am I the only person with a sneaking suspicion that this is all an elaborate marketing stunt to promote her next reality show "The Felonious Life: Paris Behind Bars" ?

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Porta's Cat said...

I like Paris!

Dream stealer!

Lee_D said...

Dude, that totally made me LOL.

Love your blog, by the way.